saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
