I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm sobbing to NWA
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
