She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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