He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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