I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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