he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
