my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
