the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
3 2 1 whiskey
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
