I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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