the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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