I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
