hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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