The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
