My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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