whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
