I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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