I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
