does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
