Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
