Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
