pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
