Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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