I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
