dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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