Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
