I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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