You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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