you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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