The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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