I think my fart just growled at me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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