from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
