It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
