I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
