i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
