who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
