did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
