Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
