Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
