she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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