Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Someone shit on the floor
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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