Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
