Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
