remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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