well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
