she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
