I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
sex in a hospital.. check
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
