Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
