i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
