We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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