I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
